hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
