Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
