In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
