i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
