i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
i love accidental penises.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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