Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
