I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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