I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize