I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize
