His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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