I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
