Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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