Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
