That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Randomize
