just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
