Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize