How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize
