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Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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