You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
