in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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