Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
