the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Randomize
