I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Randomize
