Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
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