I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
