I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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