its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
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