I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
