If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
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