Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
You need a sexual gate keeper
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
