I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
