I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
