A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
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