Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
