So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Randomize
