Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
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