Please, let me fuck your mom
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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