If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
