he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
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