I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Randomize