Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
