We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Randomize
