i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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