I just cut my nipple shaving
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Randomize
