Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
high people should be assigned attendants
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Randomize
