what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
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