saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Randomize
