New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
