Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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