I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
