i would punch a child for taco bell
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
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