I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
We just shotgunned beers for America
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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