you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Randomize
