is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
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