saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Randomize
