I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
