I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I'm drive I can fine osifer
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
