I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
