I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
