I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Randomize
