WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
We're too hungover to prance.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
