I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize