dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
