I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
