my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
