I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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