i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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