We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize