im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Randomize
