he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Randomize
