Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
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