I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
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