You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Randomize
