My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
