I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
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