I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
