My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
