like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
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