FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize