This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Randomize
