dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
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