3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
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