Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
