I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize