Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Only a mothe r could love this liver
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
