I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
