one two three fourrrrnication!
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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