The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Randomize
