this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I just found a bag of teeth...
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
