My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
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