dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Randomize
