I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize
