Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Randomize
