You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
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