go do what you do best...puke behind churches
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
