idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Randomize
