it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
