i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
