I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
