It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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