just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
