covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
