She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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