Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
