It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
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