I want to have your abortion
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
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